Monday, February 20, 2012

This Blog

So tired today...I've got a cold/flu of some sort and all I want to do is sleep around the coughing.

A few days ago a Second Life friend told me about her "Morning Page" journals, started after reading "The Artists Way" recommended by a counselor.  I've been feeling the need to do something similar...express somehow the turmoil inside.  It's been building.   I've been so emotional the past few months.  so fragile.   At a local produce store, just before Thanksgiving, someone I haven't seen in a long time asked me how I was doing.  You know, the question we always ask each other, expecting the routine response.   I tried to say "fine" and I couldn't.  My voice cracked, tears came to my eyes, and my friend knew I was not fine at all.  So did my real life partner standing right there beside me, and he never asked, never asked at all.  Or maybe I'm mistaken and he didn't notice (observe that I didn't ask him either).  Either way I felt so, so alone, totally on my own, which I know in the end we all are...alone...but right now at this time in my life that feels especially painful.

Thanksgiving week I even made a list of "topics," doing my usual thing of turning the simplest idea into a major project.  I started writing one but never finished or posted...something else that is typical for me, not finishing.

Maybe, hopefully,  expressing thoughts in words will help relieve the inner pressure. To transfer them from inside to outside.  That's my hope anyway.  In any case, this blog is not in Second Life, so it also represents time spent in real life, sort of.   That's another goal, to reconnect to real life, and perhaps "processing" my Second Life experiences might help with that transition.

It took me hours to write yesterday's blog.   If this is gonna work, it can't take that much time.  It can't be "a production."  So, this is it for today.   I'm going back to sleep.

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