Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Why get out of bed?

Still tired...so much sleep and still tired. Maybe not as light-headed, but it's only been ten minutes, we'll see in an hour or so, if I make it that long.  And, to answer the question, I got out of bed because I was so bored staying there.

I wake up with no feeling of direction or purpose.  That's how I've felt much of my life, but usually I mask it with busy-ness.  Keeping busy is certainly a way to not think about it.  Being ill has stripped even that surrogate away.  I have no energy to be busy, so I wallow in emptiness.  I really would like something else to wallow in.

What is the meaning of life?

I don't know, why do we think there is one?  What does "meaning" mean anyway?

This question has come up occasionally in Second Life.  If I were really diligent I'd carefully examine all my chat logs and extract the relevant lines to share here.   But I don't have the energy to do that today, maybe another time, and maybe never.  For now, my imperfect memory will have to suffice.  and there's always that discussion of whether it's the impression/memory that's more "true" or the documented "facts"...I generally tend to fall in the "facts" group (at least striving to include them in any analysis) but I'm too lazy to find the "facts" right now.

Once in Second Life, someone asked flippantly, "What is the meaning of life?" and I answered, "The meaning of life is whatever you want it to mean...assuming we're not talking about biological imperatives, which is not what most mean when they ask this question."   The biological imperatives are important...food, taking care of ourselves so we survive, procreation.   Not that  each individual has to procreate, but as a species I suspect this is an imperative, which is why (I think) sex is such a powerful experience and motivator for each of us, independent of whether or not we procreate.

Another Second Life friend told me that the most important thing in life was to have fun.   I told her that the most important thing to me was to connect.   I wonder if we each chose things that are scarce in our lives. I know I did.  My feelings of connections have not been all that many.   I should try to figure out why and if there's anything I can do to change that.  I bet if I felt more connected I wouldn't feel so empty right now.  Not the same thing as direction or purpose, but I wonder if having a general feeling of connectedness would suffice.

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