Brilliant, sparking sunshine today. Streaming through my window early this morning, tugging at my eyelids, calling me to greet the day. And still, hours later in the waning last two hours of afternoon light, I see it bright on the pine bark, needles, reflecting off the white, white unmelted snow that somehow still survives, covering our yard.
I wanted to try walking, just a little outside today, because I so want to reclaim that aspect of my life, but today it felt "hard." Less physical energy today compared to yesterday. So, I stood on the front stoop, standing as tall and as relaxed as I'm able, and breathed. Just breathed. The sheer beauty of the sun on the snow, the snow still so sparkling pure white, the blue, blue clear skies, the tall pines surrounding, the clean, crisp air that had a faint spicy tangy scent, one I couldn't quite identify, it really wasn't pine-y....all of this, experienced from my front door, for a few minutes, it felt good, real good.
The feel of the cool, crisp air on my skin, flush-tingly, reminded me of times backpacking above tree-line in the Rockies...along the Continental Divide in Colorado, along the Pacific Crest Trail in Washington and British Columbia, in Olympia National Park. Rhythmic striding on horse-trail paths switchbacking up and down mountains, following ridges, traversing passes, through alpine meadows, all day in the open, wading streams, swimming in green-blue glacier lakes, the delicious joy of physical strength, easy movement in open, open expanses where sky and mountains surrounded me to the horizon, to the very end of the world. I've backpacked and hiked elsewhere...in the North Carolina Smokey Mountains, on the Appalachian Trail in New Jersey, New York, Massachusetts, in New Hampshire's White Mountains, on Aiderondack trails near Lake George, but alpine spaces feel like home, feed my spirit. The open space, expanse, to see so, so, so far out, to see so, so much, to have so much of the world within one's grasp. Nature abhors a vacuum, so they say...I guess that open space demands my expansion outward...that's how it feels, expanding one's spirit out, out...god-like, if that isn't too presumptuous.
The first time I experienced this, when I co-led a AYH six week backpacking trip in British Columbia and Washington, I remember wondering when we were hiking in Glacier Peak Wilderness area on the third leg of the trip, what it would be like to live somewhere where one could see these mountains every day. "I lift my eyes to the hills..." Twelve years and two babies later I had a chance to find out. Two years in White Rock, New Mexico...almost 6400 feet sky-high plateau, open, open expanses, seeing, smelling rain coming a hundred miles away, wildflower palette, rock-art geologic forms, breath-taking beauty every single day of the year. Every moment "ah"...joyous surprise gasps....genuine soul food. So hard to find words. It was hard to leave. New Mexico still tugs at my heart, and my real life partner's too.
I thought I might write here today about "spiritual," because it came up yesterday in Second Life, but my family research, wanting to get started on that, nagged me...so I paid bills, did a couple very small real life household chores, and wrote the first post in my family research blog. It's a beginning. Free writing here has helped I think. It feels like it's helped me get my head out of Second Life some. So, I'm going to try a similar approach for my family research writing. But that blog is totally in real life, written by real life me, the "public" me. Here is for the "private" me.
Between the two, I'm done with journalling for the day.